Day off

Yesterday morning, post-call and semi-delirious, I was rushing around the hospital to examine each of my patients before our early rounds in the CCU. One of my patients this week is a lovely woman in her mid-50s with radiation-induced pulmonary fibrosis and severe damage to her heart from chemotherapy many years ago. The radiation and chemotherapy cured her cancer, but that's small comfort now that her heart and lungs are failing. She's been virtually confined to bed for years, but lately she's taken a turn for the worse. Her left lung is full of fluid and she can't so much as roll over in bed without becoming severely short of breath. Making matters worse, several times each day, her heart goes in and out of a very fast rhythm that exceeds the upper limit of her pacemaker. After listening to her breathing (crackly in some regions and eerily silent in others) and her heart (fast with a loud whoosing murmur), I started to leave her room, already ruminating on my next task. Once I was halfway to the door, I thought to turn around to ask my patient if there was anything I could do for her before the day got underway. "Just enjoy your life," she said sadly.

Whew.

So today, my first day off in ten days, I am determined to do just that. I started the day with an early morning hot tub soak and massage, then biked home to play with Sam and feed him lunch. This afternoon, my sister and I will pick our youngest brother up at the airport and I'm hopeful that we'll have time to take Sam to the park before the gang of us go out for dinner. Maybe after Sam's in bed, we five can sit in the backyard and share a bottle of wine. There's laundry to do and dirty dishes in the sink, but they can wait. Today I'm enjoying my life.