Back in the saddle

I'm finished with my interviews and back at home -- what a relief! Our trip to Boston didn't pan out quite as expected. For starters, it was horribly cold while we were there, which meant that Brian and Sam spent the greater part of each day trapped in our hotel room. When we did venture out, we bundled Sam in layers and a fuzzy snowsuit, but we couldn't find a way to keep the chilly wind off his little face and his cheeks and nose turned bright red within minutes! (If you live in a cold climate, surely you don't keept your baby inside all winter! What do people do?) So that was a drag.

The other surprise of our trip was that I loved Brigham and Women's Hospital. Loved it. Loved it loved it loved it. So now we have a dilemma. On the one hand, residency is just about the worst time to move my little family thousands of miles from home to sub-freezing temperatures, leaving behind our hard-won support network, not to mention a fabulous job for Brian and a fantastic daycare for Sam. Leaving behind our parish. Our friends. (Our housekeeper!) On the other hand ... loved it loved it loved it. So I'm stuck. I have until the end of February to make my match list. In the meantime, Brian is scouting out Boston jobs and I'm scouring craigslist, trying to picture us living in the apartments for which pictures are posted. That could be Sam's bedroom, I think. Or, hmmm, does this kitchen have enough counter space for Brian?

What's been interesting to me about this to-move-or-not debate is how guilty I feel about the whole thing. If the situation were reversed, if Brian was the one contemplating a temporary cross-country move to take advantage of an amazing professional opportunity, I (like to) think I'd tell him go for it! Let's go! And he is certainly saying that to me. But I'm having a very hard time imagining myself letting him make that sacrifice for me. Almost as if I've internalized the notion -- much as I despise it -- that Brian's career is the "real" one and I'm just fooling around. I'm not sure what to make of this.